"Let no man despise thy youth: but be thou an example of the believers in speech, love, spirit, faith and purity." I Tim 4:12

mazzy star . fluorescent lights fazing out and in. my hands. MY HANDS. I feel for the first time. the sensation of wet fingers, wrinkled and soft. bony. grasping, grabbing each other. I feel the nerve impulses as they touch each other for the first time. black eyes. well.. I can see better than I ever have… sight through feeling.. fluorescent lights fazing out and in. blinking yellow behind my eyelids. not quite dark, for the sun shines through the window, but closed eyelids let in little light. time slows. water drips over my shoulders. stomach. fingers. legs. feet.; as if I feel them all for the first time. as if I was reborn…
hands grasp for my legs. MY LEGS. muscles and taut, unshaven skin that have always been there. scars. palms grope upwards to wet, elastic skin- covered curves in my back and stomach. MY.
open eyes see more- streams of water dripping off my head. three streams. random drops.[ gum stuck to the bathtub still smells of watermelon]. my baby fingers arrange the stale gum into a flower shape. three leaves. three. Father- Son- Holy Spirit…
fluorescent lights faze out and in. they don’t faze me. life seems beautiful and new. I have been reborn.
I wish I could capture this feeling :these epiphanies and revelations in colors. gray. red. creamy blue. flashing light and flickering bulbs. warm water. naked skin. love.

a thought/word elicits an action:
a laugh:
why?
moray or social cue?
learned behavior?
what is really humor-
what is really thought?

what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly-
"Be ye not conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is good, acceptable, and perfect, will of God."- Rom. 12:2

Psalm 34:14
"DEPART FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; SEEK PEACE AND PERSUE IT"

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Ps 34:18-
"The Lord is right onto those with a broken heart, and saveth those such that be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth him out of them all... the Lord redeems the soul of His servants: and none of them that trust in him shall be desolated."

Rom. 8:31
"IF GOD IS FOR US, WHO CAN BE AGAINST US??"

"Give me courage for my passion and pain, and this will be my art: to feel alive"

your voice is as beautiful to me
: as the rich low notes of a guitar
: or the creamy middle register of a clarinet
: the message more profound
: than I can comprehend-
: but simple as a smile
: love fills my heart and calms me
: because your love is REAL
: through your Son: [my savior.husband.love]
I need nothing/no one but you
: but you have given me sooo much
: this love is so real
: so perfect (on your side)
: why would you share it with me?
: I am blessed
: and humbled
: and emancipated
: (from death)
I am nothing without you my love
: we can do amazing things together
: but I nothing with out you
: I'm dead [never living]
: depressed
: lifeless
: mundane
: ordinary
: with you I transcend [death]
: amend [wrongdoing]
: am again and again and again
: forever
: through Your Son
I am one with all of creation
: [the sun
: the moon]
: and a shining star in the universe!
: through/with you I am a STAR
: beyond this earth
: though my body ties me to the earth
: and my soul/spirit lives in this body---
I will have all knowledge
: and wisdom
: through You-
: I'll love all -
: You are love and peace
: blessings, mercy
: and grace forever and forever

write to me

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MEND YOUR FUELISH WAYS...
protect and restore
the earth God gave us
let the air you breathe nourish
not poison you
GO BY BIKE!!
2 WHEELS GOOD
4 WHEELS BAD!!!

dbd crew